Action Coach, Career Coach, Life Coach, Performance Coach, Personal coaching

Who Cares?

Who cares about me?

It’s an interesting thought. 

When we think who cares about us, our attention naturally draws to those we are closest to, partners, parents, siblings, friends,  but we already know that – don’t we?   Why then do we spend so much time ruminating about what people think of us?  The often said line is –  ‘I don’t care what other people think.’ I’ll admit to saying it myself, and of course the truth is I am lying when I say this; I do care. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, we all want to be liked and respected and I think it’s vital that we all carry a degree of self awareness, an ability to pause and reflect. However what happens when this becomes corrosive?  Lets explore an example; While we sit at home, our mind drifts to the difficult conversation at work. ‘Should I have said that?’  ‘They didn’t look happy?’  ‘How did I come across?’ 

The first thing to acknowledge here is this-

Nobody outside of your inner circle cares about you.

Wait. What?

How do we know this? Well how often do you spend time at home looking from the other person’s point of view, how they are feeling and thinking? The answer is hardly ever, because we are too consumed by our own thoughts, actions, and life. Therefore It’s not a stretch to safely assume that if you are doing this then so is the other person! This highlights another truth; we are naturally selfish with our thoughts, which leads us to irrationally presume the world revolves us. The idea that everybody cares more about me than they do about themselves. . . .

Really?

Let that digest for a moment as we go back to our example. We sometimes make mistakes, we may say something inappropriate, occasionally we have disagreements, and there will always be moments of vulnerability and self consciousness. However it’s vitally important in any period of self reflection that we quickly ascertain what we can and can’t effect.

Positive thought that you can effect- Were your actions well intentioned? What can you learn about yourself? Will this matter in one, two, or three months time?

Negative thought you can’t effect- What do people think of me?  Do people like me? Do they value and respect me?

We each have our own filters and values when meeting, working, and networking with others. What is offensive to one is funny to another. What is kind to one is needy to another. We can’t keep all the people happy all the time, so why bother trying? Go with what you know. You.  While you can never control or seek to control what other people think, you can acknowledge and trust who you are. If you ever doubt this, imagine what the people who really care about you would say.

Who care’s about me?

Only the people that matter.

If this sounds familiar, then please get in touch. I’d love to help.

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