Who do you think you are?

‘Just relax.’

That little pearl of wisdom came from my other half when I couldn’t sleep in the early hours recently. It can be very difficult to get to sleep; a racing mind and an inability to switch off and just relax. We often lie in bed consciously thinking we are relaxed, then we bring our body or face muscles into conscious awareness and we realise we’re holding tension.

Your body never lies.

If we take that further, how much of your day do you spend thinking or telling yourself you’re doing ok, while in reality you’re doubting yourself or suppressing who you really are?

What if your thinking was invigorating and not damaging?

There can be misconception about thinking too much. We tend to see it as corrosive and damaging. It can affect your sleep, mood, and your ability to find perspective. However these things are the effects of your thought process and not the cause. Do we feel like that when we’re really concentrating at a job we love, or preparing our favourite meal?

What if you spent the day focusing on your strengths, and not your fears?

What you fear depends on what you believe about yourself in a given circumstance. Your beliefs then affect your thinking, and your thinking affects how you feel.  We manifest scenarios that only exist in our mind, and they can have a positive or negative effect.

A friend of my mine has a very good job, she believes she is very good in her role.  When she gets in the car it anchors her subconscious mind into a belief system she has created. She think about her day and she starts to feel feels confident, assured, and backs herself. Her mind is full of thought all day and she is relaxed because she acts according to what she believes. Home is fraught for a number of reasons, she has created a different belief system.  She finishes work and gets back in the car, she starts to think about what awaits her and can feel the transition from confident to anxious, assured to restless.  She consciously tells herself she is ok, but she gets home and her mind is full of thought again, she isn’t relaxed because she acts according to what she believes.

The same person. Feeling very differently about themselves in the same day. Caused by two different thought patterns, from two separate belief systems. Can she be more calm, measured, and confident in her decisions at home? What would that bring to her growth and development?

Imagine not having to fear the transition, not feeling like a prisoner to a self imposed mindset.

Your thoughts are a resource, they can be used to fill the tank or drain it. 

Who do you believe you are?

Now, time to relax.

If this sounds familiar then please get in touch

What is Confidence?

A while ago, when normality ruled. I went to see a comedy gig with a good friend of mine.  We got talking afterwards about the comedian on show.

‘I couldn’t do that.’ Remarked my friend.

Why?

Because I’m not confident enough.

Something immediately struck me about this comment; it was said with an absolute assuredness.

And yet- what is confidence? Is it how we present ourselves externally, or something deeper?

We often mistake apparent confidence for insecurity. Do you know somebody who loves to talk about where they have been, what they do for living, or how much money they have? What’s important to remember here is, who are they telling?  This is not confidence, this is ego talking borne out of insecurity.

So . . Something deeper then.  

Confidence is about trust- not the intangible and wavering feeling but in one’s own resources.

Clients will often say to me, In some ways I’m really confident and in other ways I’m shy. The key thing to acknowledge here is the self realisation that the feeling of ‘confidence’ does exist; otherwise how do they recognise it?

I put this thought to my friend.

‘Yeah, but getting up in front of people is totally different to what I do’

Well . . yes. . of course it is. However how do any us gain confidence in what we do? We learn, we make mistakes, we hone, we make more mistakes, and after a while a process starts to emerge and a trust starts to develop in our given skill and with it our confidence increases.

But that only happens once we have committed to something new, once we are prepared to get outside of our comfort zone and grow. So how do we take that first step?

We must use resources within ourselves that reinforce the feeling of trust and in turn confidence. Like driving your car. You don’t think about it consciously – you just trust you can drive the car.  If we choose to place our focus on the negative resources of our fears and doubts – like failing at an exam – we then sit inside our own mind, unable to see our strengths. 

This mindset is hardened and calcified in difficult times or when we’re watching comedians thinking  ‘I couldn’t possibly do that.’

Well, how did you get in the car for the first time?

Our sense of possibility only narrows when we don’t trust ourselves, and our confidence diminishes when we don’t acknowledge our own resources. 

Trusting your own experiences to gain confidence isn’t the preserve of the few, it is in all of us.

Is it there. It always has been, and always will be.

Whether you choose to find it,  is up to you.

If this sounds familiar then please get in touch.