Can you drive?

Slow down!

Is the cry from my partner whenever I go 1mph over the speed limit, or her whole body will violently jolt whenever I come within ten meters of the car in front.

Cursory glances are mutually exchanged. 

If we park (sorry) my domestic woes for a while, I want to take a closer look at what is happening under the bonnet. (I’ll stop now)

Whenever we drive a car we are using lots of different skills. Muscle memory for changing gear and using the clutch. Our vison to watch the road, and critical thinking to make quick and adaptable changes should the need arise. We don’t credit ourselves with driving because it’s just what we do.

But how did we get there?

We all remember getting in for the first time, the inability to keep your foot still on the clutch, 20mph feeling like you were driving a supercar, and the horror of seeing other drivers on the road.

It’s very alien.

After a while a process starts to emerge, the gear change feels less clunky. We hold our foot at biting point without constantly being aware of it, and we start to notice what is happening on the road without the instructor telling us. We begin to trust ourselves internally that we can drive the car, or in other words our subconcious starts to drive the car, and our conscious mind concentrates on the external and reacts to the road.

So what are the parallels between driving a car and speaking in public, or doing the dreaded presentation?

Well, mentally there is zero difference between driving and public speaking. Too often my clients are checking internally if they will remember what they are saying, or they’re anxious to know if people will like them. They are focusing their energy on negative resources, and taking responsibility for what other people think.

What would happen if you had the same thought process when you got in the car and asked yourself; am I in the right gear? What if I crash? What if other car drivers behave erratically?

You’d quickly stall and start to panic.

When we get in the car, we must trust our skill and knowledge and react to the road.

When we speak in public, we must trust our skill and knowledge and react to the audience.

Public speaking, like driving, is about knowing your content or skill so well, you can forget it consciously and trust it will be there when you need it. This allows you to concentrate on the external;  and when you trust yourself and really commit your focus to the audience, what are you not thinking about?

You.

Maybe my other half was right.

What if you slow down, and take a moment to realise it’s not about you it’s about your audience.

Who do you think you are?

‘Just relax.’

That little pearl of wisdom came from my other half when I couldn’t sleep in the early hours recently. It can be very difficult to get to sleep; a racing mind and an inability to switch off and just relax. We often lie in bed consciously thinking we are relaxed, then we bring our body or face muscles into conscious awareness and we realise we’re holding tension.

Your body never lies.

If we take that further, how much of your day do you spend thinking or telling yourself you’re doing ok, while in reality you’re doubting yourself or suppressing who you really are?

What if your thinking was invigorating and not damaging?

There can be misconception about thinking too much. We tend to see it as corrosive and damaging. It can affect your sleep, mood, and your ability to find perspective. However these things are the effects of your thought process and not the cause. Do we feel like that when we’re really concentrating at a job we love, or preparing our favourite meal?

What if you spent the day focusing on your strengths, and not your fears?

What you fear depends on what you believe about yourself in a given circumstance. Your beliefs then affect your thinking, and your thinking affects how you feel.  We manifest scenarios that only exist in our mind, and they can have a positive or negative effect.

A friend of my mine has a very good job, she believes she is very good in her role.  When she gets in the car it anchors her subconscious mind into a belief system she has created. She think about her day and she starts to feel feels confident, assured, and backs herself. Her mind is full of thought all day and she is relaxed because she acts according to what she believes. Home is fraught for a number of reasons, she has created a different belief system.  She finishes work and gets back in the car, she starts to think about what awaits her and can feel the transition from confident to anxious, assured to restless.  She consciously tells herself she is ok, but she gets home and her mind is full of thought again, she isn’t relaxed because she acts according to what she believes.

The same person. Feeling very differently about themselves in the same day. Caused by two different thought patterns, from two separate belief systems. Can she be more calm, measured, and confident in her decisions at home? What would that bring to her growth and development?

Imagine not having to fear the transition, not feeling like a prisoner to a self imposed mindset.

Your thoughts are a resource, they can be used to fill the tank or drain it. 

Who do you believe you are?

Now, time to relax.

If this sounds familiar then please get in touch

I say tomato, you say tomayto.

We often see things through the narrow prism of our own experience.  Our opinion and view of the world is of course the ‘right’ way to think, and we reinforce this belief by talking to other people with similar views to our own.  The difference we see in others can lead us to thinking our view is superior or others are not as enlightened as us. We see this a lot in politics at the moment, where the word democracy means different things to different people, depending on which side of the fence you sit on.

 So who is right – you or the other person? Leavers or remainers?  Or are we asking the wrong question? It’s very easy in life to frame our thinking and attitude around external things, the paper we read, the news we choose to listen to, the friends we surround ourselves with. How often do you hear people say “I believe in this view because it was how i was brought up”.  These are all examples of a way of thinking which takes away all our responsibility for independent thought. Can we not think for ourselves?  Sometimes It’s easy and more comforting to blame the other person or the other side rather than looking within.  However, we can’t grow and move forward if we don’t have a degree of self awareness and an ability to expand thinking outside of ‘what we know.’ The key here is this – in how many areas of our life do we limit ourselves and our opportunities because we quickly decide ‘they’re not like me’ before even putting ourselves in a position to find out?

The more we listen the more we learn, and maybe if we accept our differences and enhance our similarities our lives would be more fulfilled.

If this sounds familiar, drop me an email. I’d love to help